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Joey Essex has admitted that he has pushed away past girlfriends because he's scared he may lose them like he lost his mother, Tina.
The grief of losing his mother to suicide when he was only ten years old has plagued the TOWIE star in previous relationships with the likes of Sam Faiers and Lorena Medina.
And speaking in his new BBC documentary, the 30 year old admitted that he has now turned to professional help to get through the grief of his mother's passing so he can start his own family one day.
"My mum loved me, but she left me. I just think to myself: 'If she loved me that much, why would she leave me?'" he says while overcome with tears.
He continued: "I've had loads of relationships but I always end up pushing them away.
"Imagine if I was with someone and I had kids with them, and I really did love that person and then she left me. I wouldn't know what to do. I'm already thinking we're gonna break up before we're together. I'm pushing it away," he added.
Joey also acknowledged that while he spent his twenties as a "big party boy", he now wants to settle down and have his own family.
In order to do so, he has "decided to look for help".
Devastatingly, Tina battled mental health problems caused by candida, a yeast imbalance in the gut that can lead to depression.
Joey and his elder sister Frankie were raised by their dad Donnie.
Back in March, the reality star paid an emotional tribute to his late mother on what would have been her birthday.
The Celebs Go Dating star penned: "Another day to wish you happy birthday in heaven …"
"My heart secretly aches everyday and I try my best to keep putting on this front to the world but I'm not scared or afraid anymore to say I'm heartbroken and I always will be…" Joey continued. "I'll miss you forever."
"Hurts to know deep down you was sad inside and you was smiling for us always…" the reality star wrote. "One day I'll be with you again and then we can smile together."
If you have been affected by this story, you can call the Samaritans on 116 123 or visit www.samaritans.org.
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